Which Comic Book Characters I Would (and Wouldn’t) Rent To
By a Canadian apartment Manager / aspiring comic artist
If you brought representatives of each generation into the current era and gave them all superpowers, what would happen? Comics Odyssey co-host Henry Brown’s Graphic Novel, ‘Threat Quotient’ has the answer. Please check it out at Kickstarter or FundMyComic.
You learn a lot about people when you rent to them. I’ve seen every type as evident in my latest article about my adventures in lordland (article linked below). Chronically late payers, hotheads, quiet professionals, mysterious loners and also the more sinister types.
I’ve developed a spidey-sense for who is going to make trouble. Though it’s far from perfect. People surprise me all the time! In a good way and a bad way. But I did learn that when alarm bells go off, to not ignore that. I have and it’s cost me a lot of stress and headache.
Anyway, my wife and I were hanging out and she asked me which comic book characters would I rent to? Who would actually make it past the rental screening? Let’s find out.
The conceit of this thought experiment is that I am a civilian and do not have the special knowledge of the comic reader. Therefore, the character’s “secret identity” is what I’m going on. Clark Kent shows up, he’s a farm boy to me, not Superman.
So here we go, the list of who I would and wouldn’t rent an apartment to.
Selina Kyle (Catwoman)
No credit history, no official job. Too many cats. Smells like trouble. Application NOT APPROVED!
Clark Kent (Superman)
A shoe-in. Polite, dependable, earns steady income as a reporter. Probably shovels the walk without being asked. Clean-cut and polite. Solid handshake. Ideal tenant material. Application APPROVED!
Peter Parker (Spider-Man)
Nice kid, but no steady job. Freelance photography doesn’t cut it in this market. References say he’s late on rent a lot. NOT APPROVED!
Barry Allen (The Flash)
Somehow late for the apartment showing. Doesn’t inspire confidence. NOT APPROVED!
Matt Murdock (Daredevil)
Comes in with disability income and a partner at a law firm. Courteous, professional if a bit moody. APPROVED!
Bruce Wayne (Batman)
Doesn’t fill out the rental form. Just buys the whole building. Never returns calls, but suddenly you get a raise and crime goes down in the area.
Johnny Blaze (Ghost Rider)
Occupation: “motorcycle stuntman.” That’s seasonal income at best, and the bike noise would have the neighbours in revolt by week two. Previous landlord’s building burnt down. NOT APPROVED!
Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)
Highly composed. Beautiful, well put together. The application looks perfect - too perfect. References, income, ID, all flawless. Probably fake. But somehow, she still gets approved. Leasing agents have their biases. APPROVED!
Logan (Wolverine)
Previous landlords report he smokes indoors, damages walls, and there’s always some blood stained footprints leading to his door. Reference says “unresponsive to conflict resolution.” SUPER NOT APPROVED!
Diana Prince (Wonder Woman)
Pristine application, regal demeanor, excellent references from “Themyscira Embassy.” Graceful, likable. A dream tenant. SUPER APPROVED!
Wade Wilson (Deadpool)
Farts on the tenancy application. Pass. NOT APPROVED!
Frank Castle (The Punisher)
Shows up early, stone-faced. Says he works “in security.” References are either dead or missing. Smells like gun oil and bad memories. But previous landlords report he helps evict bad tenants and is exceedingly efficient at it. APPROVED!
Bruce Banner (The Hulk)
Polite and soft-spoken at the showing. Seems ideal. A quiet scientist with stable income. But past landlords report damages a security deposit won’t even begin to cover. Regretfully NOT APPROVED!
Harley Quinn
Charming and bubbly until she brings that creepy boyfriend around. NOT APPROVED!
Steve Rogers (Captain America)
Old-fashioned, responsible, good energy. Writes checks by hand and reminds other tenants not to litter. A neighbour any Canadian should be grateful to have. SUPER APPROVED!
Which comic book character do you think would make an ideal neighbout? Let me know in the comments!
Read next:
The Sentient Hell Hotel Is Real: Lessons from Vancouver’s Housing Extremes
Names, buildings, and details anonymized to protect privacy; based on real events from my 10+ years in Vancouver housing.
This article did not disappoint. Laughed multiple times. Although I suspect Selina Kyle would not be upfront about how many cats she owns.
So Frank, Matt and Natasha may be living on the same property soon? That should be interesting... By the way, I should let you know that Steve Rogers keeps some shady company at times, including at least three of the people on your list who are NOT APPROVED!